Mother of an Adult Babydoll

Today is the 18th birthday of my only daughter, my only child for all intents and purposes. It's so strange to think of Chelsea as an adult because to me she seems like such a child. She still argues with an 8 year old, doesn't drive, is in high school, can't spell to save her life poor child, and, in general, still needs me in so many ways. But in reality Chelsea is a very smart, vibrant, and thinking young woman who often makes surprisingly mature decisions for herself. She's an excellent problem solver, thinks things through, can see options and follow them through in her head to their logical conclusions before acting, is a voracious reader and an excellent writer. She has her whole future ahead of her.

Some of my thinking that Chelsea still needs me is, obviously, my own need to be needed. I think I'll feel empty or useless once Chelsea stops needing me for so many things. To a large extent, being a single mom has been my whole life and purpose for almost half of my entire life and more than half of the part of my life that I can remember. For the last EIGHTEEN YEARS it's really been all about Chelsea. So many choices about where we live and the type of job I've always had are a direct result of being a single mom, needing to stay within a certain school district, or carrying insurance on my child. Now, for the record, none of that is changing because Chelsea is still in school and I'll carry insurance on her for as long as I legally can. However, as we cross this milestone into legal adulthood I feel a little bit of the need for that slipping past.

The reasons my daughter has needed me in the past won't really apply much longer and the truth is that she'll need me in other ways. Ways I hope to be able to handle with the same finesse and success as I handled having a baby or a school aged child or a teenager. You grow as a parent along with the child you raise. I have such strong desires for Chelsea's future success in what ever ways she chooses to measure her success. I want her to be happy and finish high school and college, I want her to be happy in love and successful in business enterprises and long term friendships. I want her to keep in touch with me as she makes her way in life and I want us to be best friends always.

Last night Chris and I were talking about having a baby. There are positives and negatives to weigh about the whole idea so it was an inconclusive discussion. But this issue has been at the forefront of my mind for a while now. It's impossible not to think of it with so many pregnant people around us. Chris's sister, Penny is pregnant right now and she's a year older than I am and doing fine. She, along with Chris's whole family, was over on Saturday for Chelsea's birthday and we got to play with little William - her 1 year old son. He is simply precious and you can't help but smile and want to keep that feeling of having a little baby when around one.

So coupling the baby handling and siege of pregnant women we know right now with the fact that my daughter is now "grown" I can't tell if my desire to have another baby is situational or stems from an innate truth.

I think Chris and I would make pretty awesome parents and that a child between the two of us would be a beautiful human. Together we could raise a smart, liberal, free spirited, thinking individual child and be rewarded of our parenting skills every day in the little ways that having a child is rewarding. At the same time, I think that, without having more children, Chris and I have a perfect sort of rhythm to our lives with parenting his son who is with us only 60% of the time. The 40% of the time it's just Chelsea at home we can live like free adults and the other 60% we get to be awesome parents and provide enriching experiences for Colin and Chelsea alike. In another 10 years we could be empty nesters in our late 40s and be able to travel and write and enjoy retirement. (I can retire from the State of Texas at the age of 52 with full benefits.) Both scenarios have so much potential! It's quite fortunate that I don't have to make such a decision right now at all because I wouldn't be able to tell which part of my heart desires which potential more.

Speaking of babies, Dawn & Jim were chosen by another birthmother for adoptive parents several months ago and the birthmother, Sarah, had the baby on July 21st so James now has a baby sister named Bailey. Dawn is on maternity leave now.

So, after all my wailing over to bare or not to bare children, the impossible what if's and limitless possibilities, here is what you've really been trying to get to: PICTURES of Chelsea's 18th Birthday Weekend. I am a lucky and happy woman with this life right now, right here.

Gotta end with LOVE