My Family Frustrates Me

This sort of falls under not having anything nice to say and so I should say nothing at all. But at the same time I'm not going to sit idly by with my feelings bottled up festering. And what better place than the internet for a rant.

My mom suffers from obsessive hoarding disease. Her house is overrun with boxes. There are whole rooms that are unavailable to her and the rest of the inhabitants of the house - my dad and two brothers - because they simply became too full of stuff and eventually blocked off. Except for the main bathroom which just simply became too broken to utilize so it was closed with an Out of Order sign for the last several years. There is a path from the front door to the living room, some space in the living room for a few people, some space in the breakfast room for one person - my dad, generally; some space in the kitchen and my mom's bedroom and one working bathroom. No front two rooms, no dining room, and no clear hallways. It looks bad and its embarrassing. I remember the first time Chris saw my parents house - I was mortified that he had to go in there. Colin has still never been over there and I don't want him to go.

Well my dad had knee replacement surgery a couple of months ago and from that developed a staph infection which hospitalized him for several days until they released him to go home. But home was no place for him. He has not been able to take a shower in a month - he just gets sponge baths. He can't move from room to room easily with his walker because the path between the boxes densely stacked 6 - 7 feet high on all sides is not wide enough for his walker and he had to scoot sideways with a walker to move around in his own house.

This enrages me. I am so angry about it that I could just spit.

Several of my siblings and I decided to take matters into our own hands and coerce my mother into moving her boxes to a storage unit just temporarily until my dad can walk around again and then she can have her stuff back. This ensued fights. It was ugly. My mom screamed at me that I was making her out to be a monster. Which maybe, on some level, I was. Reason didn't seem to work so perhaps I slipped into blame. She agreed to "condense" some of the boxes so that there were fewer of them which turned into 4 solid days of one sibling or another going to my parents' house going through boxes.

She has a problem and no one will stop her. She can't part with anything. In cleaning up my mother's house, I found a pile of broken things covered in dust including 3 broken vcr's that would cost more to repair than they were worth. And she insisted that she wanted all of those things. The next day when she went to church my dad told us to get rid of that pile - into the trash it went. I'm sure she hasn't missed her broken things. She had 2 TRUCK LOADS of boxes of video tapes that had been pulled out from under STACKS of other boxes and out from under the dining room table just to make room for some of the boxes of "inventory" that she allowed me to take to Chris's house for storage insisting the whole time that she needed those movies. Who even has a VCR anymore? And how would she know what movies she has when they've been under all the other stuff for years now? These are just the little things. The things that are mentionable on the web. I'm frustrated beyond my wits.

Unfortunately, the only actual removed items from my mom's house to this day are the video tapes at Chris's and a truck bed full of the trash that she decided she could part with. Some trash she insisted on keeping. One pile of boxes is actually empty boxes that she 'might need' but won't move, even for the health of her husband. Does this make her a monster? I don't know. Define: monster.

None of this inventory / condensing / not agreeing with the plan was part of the plan. The plan was to clear out the boxes once and for all now that there's something that should have been more important than the boxes. It was supposed to be the perfect plan - mom would finally "have" to give up all her crap-filled boxes because times have changed, they are aging, my dad is in very poor health and what a great reason to change old bad hoarding habits! It didn't work.

What was supposed to be a moving truck hauling away all the stuff to a storage unit for my DAD, turned into something totally about my mother instead and an unorganized organization of the stuff. Problem is that there's no place to put anything in order to organize it. Literally - there is no room. There have been so many fights over these THINGS that everyone in the family has now pretty much given up. Its no longer about my dad at all and he doesn't seem to care much when my mom is in the room.

There's also been fights about a storage unit. Some of the siblings don't want to pitch in because it wasn't their idea to put the stuff in storage and my mom is against it anyway. Some of the siblings want to only pay for a 7th of the storage unit because they feel everyone should pitch in. Some say it should only be for a set amount of time during which mom needs to liquidate her inventory and give up this "business." I say mom needs to pay a 7th also since it's her stuff and her business should be making enough in sales to spend a 7th of the cost of storage. Except that she has so much stuff, so many boxes, so much 'inventory' that only the largest 20' x 24' storage unit will hold it all by our estimations and she insists on having a climate controlled unit on the ground floor so that she can go in to get items if she sells them, she wants isles and shelves so she knows where everything is, and she wants it in her name.

Anyway, its tearing us all apart as a family trying to help my dad. I wrote an e-mail to my family expressing my opinions about the matter which was followed up by an even uglier e-mail from my sister-in-law to my whole family. She said to everyone that she agreed with everything I said but went on from there to express feelings that were much stronger and full of anger and hate. So now we have both been ostracized from the family.

I hope all of this can get resolved somehow but I don't have any ideas for now. As it stands, I don't have to do anything anymore. Which is fine with me. NONE of this was originally my idea in the first place. I was approached by Brian & Sheryl and Kevin and Sophia about this. They wanted to invite my parents over to Kevin and Sophia's and have the whole house moved out while they were away so that they could come home to a clear space. I was against that plan and for including my mom in the solution but there's just too much stuff to deal with any of it in a logical way.

May I never be so attached to any THING that is causes a wedge between me and my immediate family members. That's all I hope for personally.