Mother of an Adult Babydoll

Today is the 18th birthday of my only daughter, my only child for all intents and purposes. It's so strange to think of Chelsea as an adult because to me she seems like such a child. She still argues with an 8 year old, doesn't drive, is in high school, can't spell to save her life poor child, and, in general, still needs me in so many ways. But in reality Chelsea is a very smart, vibrant, and thinking young woman who often makes surprisingly mature decisions for herself. She's an excellent problem solver, thinks things through, can see options and follow them through in her head to their logical conclusions before acting, is a voracious reader and an excellent writer. She has her whole future ahead of her.

Some of my thinking that Chelsea still needs me is, obviously, my own need to be needed. I think I'll feel empty or useless once Chelsea stops needing me for so many things. To a large extent, being a single mom has been my whole life and purpose for almost half of my entire life and more than half of the part of my life that I can remember. For the last EIGHTEEN YEARS it's really been all about Chelsea. So many choices about where we live and the type of job I've always had are a direct result of being a single mom, needing to stay within a certain school district, or carrying insurance on my child. Now, for the record, none of that is changing because Chelsea is still in school and I'll carry insurance on her for as long as I legally can. However, as we cross this milestone into legal adulthood I feel a little bit of the need for that slipping past.

The reasons my daughter has needed me in the past won't really apply much longer and the truth is that she'll need me in other ways. Ways I hope to be able to handle with the same finesse and success as I handled having a baby or a school aged child or a teenager. You grow as a parent along with the child you raise. I have such strong desires for Chelsea's future success in what ever ways she chooses to measure her success. I want her to be happy and finish high school and college, I want her to be happy in love and successful in business enterprises and long term friendships. I want her to keep in touch with me as she makes her way in life and I want us to be best friends always.

Last night Chris and I were talking about having a baby. There are positives and negatives to weigh about the whole idea so it was an inconclusive discussion. But this issue has been at the forefront of my mind for a while now. It's impossible not to think of it with so many pregnant people around us. Chris's sister, Penny is pregnant right now and she's a year older than I am and doing fine. She, along with Chris's whole family, was over on Saturday for Chelsea's birthday and we got to play with little William - her 1 year old son. He is simply precious and you can't help but smile and want to keep that feeling of having a little baby when around one.

So coupling the baby handling and siege of pregnant women we know right now with the fact that my daughter is now "grown" I can't tell if my desire to have another baby is situational or stems from an innate truth.

I think Chris and I would make pretty awesome parents and that a child between the two of us would be a beautiful human. Together we could raise a smart, liberal, free spirited, thinking individual child and be rewarded of our parenting skills every day in the little ways that having a child is rewarding. At the same time, I think that, without having more children, Chris and I have a perfect sort of rhythm to our lives with parenting his son who is with us only 60% of the time. The 40% of the time it's just Chelsea at home we can live like free adults and the other 60% we get to be awesome parents and provide enriching experiences for Colin and Chelsea alike. In another 10 years we could be empty nesters in our late 40s and be able to travel and write and enjoy retirement. (I can retire from the State of Texas at the age of 52 with full benefits.) Both scenarios have so much potential! It's quite fortunate that I don't have to make such a decision right now at all because I wouldn't be able to tell which part of my heart desires which potential more.

Speaking of babies, Dawn & Jim were chosen by another birthmother for adoptive parents several months ago and the birthmother, Sarah, had the baby on July 21st so James now has a baby sister named Bailey. Dawn is on maternity leave now.

So, after all my wailing over to bare or not to bare children, the impossible what if's and limitless possibilities, here is what you've really been trying to get to: PICTURES of Chelsea's 18th Birthday Weekend. I am a lucky and happy woman with this life right now, right here.

Gotta end with LOVE

National Chelsea's Day a Little Different

When my daughter was very young, probably about 3 or 4 years old or so I went out for New Year's Eve and left her with a baby sitter for the first time. I know what you're thinking... Your daughter was 3 or 4 YEARS old before you left her with a baby sitter??!? Yeah. And the guilt haunted me the whole evening. Now, of course, I don't know why. I was young and a new mom, a single mom at that, so sinking myself into my daughter kept me busy. Actually, upon reflecting on it, I realize that I met a man who became my boyfriend when I was still pregnant with Chelsea and we were big homebodies. There was a baby in the house and we didn't go out much. We broke up (for the first time) the fall after Chelsea turned 3 so I believe that was the first time I went out on a New Year's Eve to a party since being a mom.

Anyway, the next day, New Year's Day, I took Chelsea out and we had a special little day just for us. I told her it was National Chelsea's day and she was SO excited! She had no idea there was a special day just for her. She loved it so much and I had such a great time too that I decided that we would always hold the first day of the year sacred as her special day. I told myself that this day would make up for the fact that I would be going out on New Year's Eve and leaving her with a sitter so I would have to make it up to her.

The years have gone by and this tradition has held fast. Every New Year's Day is Chelsea's special day and she can do whatever she wants on National Chelsea Day. Every year, however, I have not had a party to go to. Every year I have not left her with a sitter. In fact, I believe that even to this day I could count the times I've left Chelsea with an actual baby sitter on one hand. National Chelsea's Day has also changed over the years. When Chelsea was a kid "anything you want to do" included things like going to see TWO movies and getting gummy worms to eat in the theater and then getting ice cream at marble slab and then playing in the ball pit at FunPlex all afternoon and going out for pizza at night.

This year she wanted to get a tattoo and thought that she would get a yes just because it was National Chelsea's Day and she gets whatever she wants on National Chelsea Day. It's not that long to wait for her 18th birthday when she can make decisions about permanently altering her body all by herself and I won't be responsible.

This year, also, was the second year in her life when I didn't have a lot of money on the first of the month. I've always worked for UH since I was 21 years old and had my first job. And I've always been paid on the first of the month. Well as most of you know I changed jobs last February and have had to get used to getting paid every 2 weeks. As it happens, I got paid on 1/4/08 and that was as close as I could get after all the Christmas spending. So we had NCD today. But! Another but... This year, as many of you know, I started seeing Chris seriously and we've been living together since July when I moved across the street from his house and he moved in with me. So we all took Chelsea out to breakfast this morning at IHOP and then went on a search for the DVD series of the Gilmore Girls. I purchased season 5 for her and she wanted to watch them all for the rest of the day. And that was it for her. She just wanted a day when she could watch tv all day.

If there were a National Melissa Day I would want foot rubs all day long and maybe a massage and a nap with some lovely incense burning. And when I woke up there would be a wonderful cup of tea and a small chocolate treat and then a perfect comfy chair that I could curl up in and spend some time reading a book. What a treat that would be. To have time to read a book. Wow! Then I'd soak in a bubble bath with some wine and go snuggle up with Chris and have him read me to sleep. That makes me smile just thinking about it.

I do need to schedule more time with my daughter. I'll get better about that. I realize that I don't have much time left before she's off to college and then gone. I don't like to think about that day. Instead I'll think about my perfect day.

LOVE