Mother of an Adult Babydoll

Today is the 18th birthday of my only daughter, my only child for all intents and purposes. It's so strange to think of Chelsea as an adult because to me she seems like such a child. She still argues with an 8 year old, doesn't drive, is in high school, can't spell to save her life poor child, and, in general, still needs me in so many ways. But in reality Chelsea is a very smart, vibrant, and thinking young woman who often makes surprisingly mature decisions for herself. She's an excellent problem solver, thinks things through, can see options and follow them through in her head to their logical conclusions before acting, is a voracious reader and an excellent writer. She has her whole future ahead of her.

Some of my thinking that Chelsea still needs me is, obviously, my own need to be needed. I think I'll feel empty or useless once Chelsea stops needing me for so many things. To a large extent, being a single mom has been my whole life and purpose for almost half of my entire life and more than half of the part of my life that I can remember. For the last EIGHTEEN YEARS it's really been all about Chelsea. So many choices about where we live and the type of job I've always had are a direct result of being a single mom, needing to stay within a certain school district, or carrying insurance on my child. Now, for the record, none of that is changing because Chelsea is still in school and I'll carry insurance on her for as long as I legally can. However, as we cross this milestone into legal adulthood I feel a little bit of the need for that slipping past.

The reasons my daughter has needed me in the past won't really apply much longer and the truth is that she'll need me in other ways. Ways I hope to be able to handle with the same finesse and success as I handled having a baby or a school aged child or a teenager. You grow as a parent along with the child you raise. I have such strong desires for Chelsea's future success in what ever ways she chooses to measure her success. I want her to be happy and finish high school and college, I want her to be happy in love and successful in business enterprises and long term friendships. I want her to keep in touch with me as she makes her way in life and I want us to be best friends always.

Last night Chris and I were talking about having a baby. There are positives and negatives to weigh about the whole idea so it was an inconclusive discussion. But this issue has been at the forefront of my mind for a while now. It's impossible not to think of it with so many pregnant people around us. Chris's sister, Penny is pregnant right now and she's a year older than I am and doing fine. She, along with Chris's whole family, was over on Saturday for Chelsea's birthday and we got to play with little William - her 1 year old son. He is simply precious and you can't help but smile and want to keep that feeling of having a little baby when around one.

So coupling the baby handling and siege of pregnant women we know right now with the fact that my daughter is now "grown" I can't tell if my desire to have another baby is situational or stems from an innate truth.

I think Chris and I would make pretty awesome parents and that a child between the two of us would be a beautiful human. Together we could raise a smart, liberal, free spirited, thinking individual child and be rewarded of our parenting skills every day in the little ways that having a child is rewarding. At the same time, I think that, without having more children, Chris and I have a perfect sort of rhythm to our lives with parenting his son who is with us only 60% of the time. The 40% of the time it's just Chelsea at home we can live like free adults and the other 60% we get to be awesome parents and provide enriching experiences for Colin and Chelsea alike. In another 10 years we could be empty nesters in our late 40s and be able to travel and write and enjoy retirement. (I can retire from the State of Texas at the age of 52 with full benefits.) Both scenarios have so much potential! It's quite fortunate that I don't have to make such a decision right now at all because I wouldn't be able to tell which part of my heart desires which potential more.

Speaking of babies, Dawn & Jim were chosen by another birthmother for adoptive parents several months ago and the birthmother, Sarah, had the baby on July 21st so James now has a baby sister named Bailey. Dawn is on maternity leave now.

So, after all my wailing over to bare or not to bare children, the impossible what if's and limitless possibilities, here is what you've really been trying to get to: PICTURES of Chelsea's 18th Birthday Weekend. I am a lucky and happy woman with this life right now, right here.

Gotta end with LOVE

a reflection and photographs of a walk

My birthday just passed me by in such a whirl of gifts and food that I haven't had a chance to blog. For my birthday I wanted to get off of work early and go sit on the beach to write but I had to work the whole day. So now, I'll think about the ocean and the beach and the sky.

As I move forward into my 3#th year of life I have to say that I'm very happy with everything - sure I could be a lot thinner and it would be nice to have some more money and more time. I wish my heels were smoother and the ends of my hair weren't split. My boobs could be a little more perky and I could certainly be farther along in my ever-continuing novel that I so rarely have time to work on. But physical imperfections and personal time management issues aside I've never been happier. I have had a good year since my last birthday - my relationship with Chris has grown a lot and we have plans to continue far into the future so I suppose things are working out well. Chelsea is doing great in school and has a budding new relationship of her own that keeps a smile on her face.

We're moving in 18 days and haven't packed a thing but today I started throwing stuff out which is the first step. Yesterday we found an absolutely gorgeous house. I knew there was a reason that the other house deal fell through - because there was a better house that we were meant to have! This one has windows galore! OMG the windows in this place are completely amazing. I took a video as we were going through it - I uploaded it to youtube HERE.

Today we took a walk along some trails in Seabrook and saw a multitude of wildlife including two different kinds of snakes, some wild boar, many frogs, some turtles, and a couple of bunnies and later in the day - while driving actually - 6 deer. Chris nearly stepped right on a water moccasin which tripped him out for the rest of the walk. There were berry bushes LINING the paths! I can't WAIT for them to be ripe! We'll go with a bucket and fill it to the brim with mulberries and dewberries; take them home, sprinkle with sugar and pour on some cream and eat them! Chris and I ate all the ripe purple ones we could find - some were fat, plump and sweet and others were a little small and somewhat too tart but we ate them anyway. It was a glorious walk and I can't wait to go again!

Here are some photos of things we encountered on our walk. This photo set will grow once I get the pics from Chris.

Just thoroughly enjoying life right now.
LOVE

Seeking: 800 mg Ibuprophin

my muscles don't work so good. so i'm gonna have to forgo the shift key for this post. no offense to the english language - which, as anyone who knows me knows, i love.
yesterday was chris's birthday - yay we're the same age now -for the next 19 days anyway. last weekend chris told his parents that i was 40. 40! ok there i used the shift key - but it was called for. they believed him too and his mom asked me later if i really was 40. i think it made her nervous. ah well.
but i digress. so chris wanted to play frisbee golf for his birthday but prior to that i got up to make breakfast, birthday breakfast of ham and cheese quiche and baked beans - i think it's a british thing but actually really tasty. the beans went well with the quiche. so after making breakfast but before eating it we rushed out to the y to register colin for summer camp. registration was half off and because he had a membership to the y with his mom the summer camp weeks were $30 less -shift again, i know, it took it out of me too. so the first week of the summer he's going camping w/ his grandparents, 2nd week going to away camp - camp cullen. then the rest of the summer going to day camp at the y which will be insanely closer to us in the new house we're renting at the end of may.
so breakfast, registration - where we ran into chris's x-wife, new hubby and baby which usually puts me in a funk for a while - then home to eat the breakfast and then we drove out to play frisbee golf at jack brooks park. chelsea didn't join us but colin and honey did. it was probably the best game of frisbee golf i've ever played. my throws were straighter and farther than they've ever been. chris thought so too. in fact, yesterday he started talking about keeping score. cuz ,you know, he has to win. he can't stand losing. i know you're reading this baby and you know it's true. be afraid be very afraid - one day i'm gonna beat you at frisbee golf. oh yeah. i am.
anyway - so i'm tired, and sore, and sun burned on my arms and neck. fortunately my face was saved because i was wearing a hat.
here's a look at chris on his birthday:


LATER IN THE DAY. As for the rest of the past month - here are some briefers:
Chris and I met our friends Amber and Carlos at the Station Museum for a Colombian photography exhibit. This exhibit itself was slightly disturbing featuring amputee porn, portraits of beaten women, victims of a disease that causes serious swelling in the brain and head area, and etc. However, the margaritas were free, all too available and quite potent. I have no idea how many I drank but I do know that it was far too many. At some point apparently Rhonda and Chris were holding me up and taking me to Tacos A Go Go for food when Chris stepped in a hole and went down and I went down with him. My foot twisted and hurt for about 3 weeks.

My family celebrated Jackie's & David's birthdays at Kelly's Country Cooking which is a very nasty place to eat. No one in my party felt good after eating there.

Chris went on a business trip to the Electronic House Expo in Orlando, Floriday and brought me back a cute shot glass and a tea cup that I've been using for tea at work. It's green and has daisies on it.

We've continued to play disc golf just about every weekend and this weekend we've actually been twice - we went again today. I could only do the back nine holes - my body was entirely too sore for 18 baskets today. Chelsea came with us today but didn't play golf - she sat on the swing and read her book the whole time. But she thoroughly enjoyed herself.







I went to delegate training at the residence of one of the other delegates. She had an immaculate house that didn't even look lived in with all white furniture and black furnishings like a vase on the white tv cabinet or the coffee table etc. It was kinda institutionalized or something. So we learned how to be good Obama delegates. The Senate convention was interesting - there were lots of good speakers - Nick Lampson was there to speak. The central message of the day seemed to be "united we stand" in terms of the Democratic Party. No matter who wins the Democratic nod we're all still going to vote democrat in November. Which is interesting because the Clinton / Obama supporters are SO for one and against the other - it's insane. We were meant to be there at 7:45 but didn't get there until 8AM and the line was wrapped around the building. The place was entirely too small for the number of us participating. We knew we weren't going to break for lunch so Chris and I had brought a cooler with us with drinks and sandwiches.
Afterwards we drove out to Chris's parents' house to pick up Colin and then over to Matt and Julie's for video games and dinner.

Oh we found out that Matt and Julie are having a boy! Yay! that is so great for them.
More good baby news is that Chris is going to be an uncle again! Penny is pregnant again! Yay!!! Congratulations Penny!

On April 3rd Chris and I celebrated being in love for a year. It was the one year anniversary of the day we first declared our love and began the exclusivity rule of our relationship. I got flowers at work - they were so beautiful! Here's a picture:

Chris' family celebrated his birthday with 18 holes of frisbee golf at a course in the Woodlands with green fees and the most extensive pro shop we had ever seen! Frisbees GALORE! There were more frisbee's there than we've ever seen in Academy or elsewhere - ever! Chris, of course, purchased a short stack of them. That's where I got my new green Archangel which may be the root cause of the vast improvement in my game.

Here's a few family photos from the big game:










And last but not least HERE is a link to my Picasa album where you can see pictures of the Buddhist Gardens that we went to today for a picnic before we played frisbee golf.